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Tips For Healthy Living
Q. Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A. You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you a full 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q. I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A. Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer, that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q. Is beer or wine bad for me?
A. Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q. How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A. Well if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ration is one to one. If you have two bodies,your ration is two to one, etc.

Q. At the gym, a woman asked me to "spot" for her while she did the bench press. What did she mean?
A. "Spotting" for someone means you stand over her while she blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find that it becomes the only reason why you're going there, you probably ought to reevaluate your exercise program.

Q. What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A. I can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is No Pain - No Pain.

Q. Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A. Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach

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