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Humor to make the day that much better...
"Help Wanted" Glossary - The Real Meanings
COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:
We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.

IMMEDIATE OPENING:
The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad.

SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:
We're not going to supply you with leads; there's no base salary; you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check.

SELF-MOTIVATED:
Management won't answer questions

WE OFFER GREAT BENEFITS:
After 90 days, you can join our HMO, which has a $500 deductible and a $25 co-pay.

SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE:
----who still live with their parents and won't mind our internship-level salaries.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

EXCITING AND PROFESSIONAL WORK ENVIRONMENT:
Guys in gray suits will bore you with tales of squash and their weekends on yachts.

JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM:
We all listen to nutty motivational tapes.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

COLLEGE DEGREE PREFERRED:
Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like philosophy, English, or religion.

FLEXIBLE HOURS:
Work 40 hours; get paid for 25.

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