- Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
- Roman doctors office:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
- Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
- Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driver is then going alphabetically by national order.
- Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
- Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
- Tokyo bar:
Special cocktail for ladies with nuts.
- Athens Hotel:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11am daily.
- Yugaslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
- Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
- Moscow hotel lobby across from a Russian orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian, and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
- Austrian hotel catering for skiers:
Do not perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
- In Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
- Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
- In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit because is big rush we will excecute customers in strict rotation.
- A sign posted in Black Forest Germany:
It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
- In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
- In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest methodists.
- In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave you clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
- In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse drawn city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
- Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
How would you like to ride on your own ass?
- In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today - no ice cream.
- In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
- On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
Is this your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
- In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the gaurd on duty.
- In a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and heates: if you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
- In a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passanger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigour.
- Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
English well talking: Here speeching American.