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Humor to make the day that much better...
What I Have Learned In Life
1) I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

2) I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

3) I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

4) I've learned that it's not what you have in your life that counts but how much you have in your bank accounts.

5) I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -- they are more screwed up than you think.

6) I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

7) I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

8) I've learned that money is a great substitute for character.

9) I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.

10) I've learned that your family won't always be there for you, unless, of course, you win the lottery.

11) I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

12) I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

13) I've learned that overzealous customs agents can change your life in a matter of hours.

14) I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon. And all the less important ones just never leave.

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