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Humor to make the day that much better...
Murphy's Laws Of Combat
1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.

2. Incoming fire has the right of way.

3. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.

(For this reason aircraft carriers have been called "Bomb Magnets")

4. There is always a way.

5. The easy way is always mined.

6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

(Triva devotees will recall the sudden disappearence of rank and distinctive caps on the uniforms worn by Soviet officers in Afghanistan)

7. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.

8. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
a. when you're ready for them.

b. when you're not ready for them

9. Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.

10. If you can't remember, then the claymore is pointed at you.

11. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.

12. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

13. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.

14. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.

15. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.

16. Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out.
(This seems to be the guiding design principle behind the Soviet's BMP and our Bradley infantry vehicle, both of which nicely
package the troops in armored boxes for group distruction)

17. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

18. If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.

19. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.

20. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.

21. Friendly fire isn't.

22. If the sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

23. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.

24. The most dangerous thing in the world is a second lieutenant with a map and a compass.

25. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

26. A grenade with a seven second fuse will always burn down in four seconds.

27. Remember, a retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.

28. If at first you don't succeed call in an air-strike.

29. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.

30. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the colonel's HQ.

31. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.

32. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.

33. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.

34. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.

35. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.

36. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

37. Interchangeable parts aren't.

38. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.

39. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove ANYTHING.

40. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp)

41. The one item you need is always in short supply.

42. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.

43. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.

44. Airstrikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.

45. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.

46. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.

47. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they DON'T want.

48. To steal information from a person is called plagarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.

49. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.

50. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.

51. When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the emeny takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.

52. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal Of Honor.

53. A Purple Heart just goes to prove that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.

54. Murphy was a grunt.

55. You aren't Superman. (Freshly graduated recruits from Marine boot camp, and all fighter pilots, especially, take note)

56. Suppressive fires - won't.

57. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid

58. When in doubt empty the magizine

59. No plan survives the first contact, intact

60. If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short

61. The important things are always simple

62. The simple things are always hard

63. No-combat ready group has passed inspection.
Note: No marine unit has ever failed a combat readiness inspection, which suggests peacetime inspections are readiness as mess hall food is cuisine)

64. Beer Math -> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases

65. Body count math -> 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action

66. Things that must be together to work, usually can't be shipped together

67. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support despertly.
(Corollary: Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both)

68. Tracers work both ways

69. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire

70. If you take more than your share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share to take.

71. When both sides are convinced they are about to lose, they're both right

72. All or any of the above combined

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