KAOS2000 Magazine Backpages: New Words For The New Century/title> <meta name="description" content="KAOS2000 Magazine Backpages: New Words For The New Century"> </head> <body bgcolor="#ffffff"> <div align="center"> <table border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=0 width=700> <tr align="center" valign="middle"> <td align="center" valign=middle> <div align="center"> <a href="http://www.cafepress.com/kaos2000store" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.kaos2000.net/storeban.gif" alt="" width="700" height="45" border="0"></a></div> </td> </tr> <tr align="center" valign="middle"> <td align="center" valign=middle><img src="backpages.jpg" alt="" width="700" height="54" border="0"></td> </tr> <tr align="center" valign="middle" height="40"> <td align="center" valign=middle height="40" background="http://www.kaos2000.net/bk1.jpg"> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="center"> <tr align="center" valign="middle" height="20"> <td align="center" valign="middle" width="87" height="20"><font size="3"><b><a href="http://www.kaos2000.net/">Home</a></b></font></td> <td align="center" valign="middle" width="92" height="20"><font size="3"><b><a href="http://www.kaos2000.net/interviews/">Interviews</a></b></font></td> <td align="center" valign="middle" width="87" height="20"><font size="3"><b><a href="http://www.kaos2000.net/music/">Music</a></b></font></td> <td align="center" valign="middle" width="88" height="20"><font size="3"><b><a href="http://www.kaos2000.net/ftv/">Film / TV</a></b></font></td> <td align="center" valign="middle" width="92" height="20"><font size="3"><b><a href="http://www.kaos2000.net/ab/">Arts / Books</a></b></font></td> <td align="center" valign="middle" width="80" height="20"><font size="3"><b><a href="http://www.kaos2000.net/tech/">Tech</a></b></font></td> <td align="center" valign="middle" width="87" height="20"><font size="3"><b><a href="http://www.kaos2000.net/news/">News</a></b></font></td> <td align="center" valign="middle" width="87" height="20"><font size="3"><b><a href="http://www.kaos2000.net/newstuff/">New Stuff</a></b></font></td> </tr> <tr align="center" valign="middle" height="20"> <td align="center" valign="middle" width="87" height="20"><b><font size="3"><a href="http://www.kaos2000.net/soapbox/">Soapbox</a></font></b></td> <td align="center" valign="middle" width="92" height="20"><b><font size="3"><a href="http://www.kaos2000.net/photos/">Foto Bizarro</a></font></b></td> <td align="center" valign="middle" width="87" height="20"><b><font size="3"><a href="http://www.kaos2000.net/coolsites/">Cool Sites</a></font></b></td> <td align="center" valign="middle" width="88" height="20"><b><font size="3"><a href="http://www.kaos2000.net/backpages/">Backpages</a></font></b></td> <td align="center" valign="middle" width="92" height="20"><b><font size="3"><a href="http://www.kaos2000.net/forum/">Forum</a></font></b></td> <td align="center" valign="middle" width="80" height="20"><b><font size="3"><a href="http://www.kaos2000.net/chat/">Chat</a></font></b></td> <td align="center" valign="middle" width="87" height="20"><b><font size="3"><a href="http://www.kaos2000.net/editorial/">Editorial</a></font></b></td> <td align="center" valign="middle" width="87" height="20"><b><font size="3"><a href="http://www.kaos2000.net/contact/">Contact Us</a></font></b></td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> <tr align="center" valign="middle" height="40"> <td align="center" valign=middle bgcolor="#000011" height="40" background="http://www.kaos2000.net/bk1.jpg"><font size="3" color="#eeeeee"><b>Humor to make the day that much better...</b></font></td> </tr> <tr align="center" valign="middle" height="50"> <td align="center" valign=middle bgcolor="#ee0000" height="40"> <div align="center"> <font size="4" color="#eeeeee"><b>New Words For The New Century</b></font></div> </td> </tr> <tr> <td> <div align="left"> <dl> <dt><font size="2"><b>BLAMESTORMING -</b> Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.</font><br> <br> <font size="2"><b>SEAGULL MANAGER -</b> A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.</font><br> <br> <font size="2"><b>MOUSE POTATO -</b> The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.</font><br> <br> <font size="2"><b>SITCOMs -</b> (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What Yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.</font><br> <br> <font size="2"><b>SWIPED OUT -</b> An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.</font><br> <br> <font size="2"><b>ASSMOSIS -</b> The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.</font><br> <br> <font size="2"><b>GOOD JOB -</b> A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" Job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.</font><br> <br> <font size="2"><b>PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE -</b> The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.</font><br> <br> <font size="2"><b>UNINSTALLED -</b> Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice-mail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." *(Syn: decruitment.)</font><br> <br> <font size="2"><b>YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS -</b> The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal, "We each owe $8, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."</font><br> <br> <font size="2"><b>SALMON DAY -</b> The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.</font><br> <br> <font size="2"><b>CLM</b> (Career Limiting Move) - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.</font><br> <br> <font size="2"><b>404 -</b> Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him . . . he's 404, man."</font><br> <br> <font size="2"><b>OHNOSECOND -</b> That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. *Syn: IGNOSECOND, the moment between letting go of the door handle as you swing the car door shut and the actual closing of the door, during which you suddenly realize the keys are still in the ignition...</font> </dl> </div> </td> </tr> <tr height="40"> <td align="center" valign="middle" height="40"> <div align="center"> <b><font size="3"><a href="http://www.kaos2000.net/backpages/2.html">MORE JOKES</a></font></b></div> </td> </tr> <tr height="50"> <td valign=middle height="50"><i><font size="1"> <hr>All rights reserved © KAOS2000™. No portion contained herein, either text or graphics, may be reproduced anywhere or reposted on any other website for any purpose without the expressed permission of the publisher. 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