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Humor to make the day that much better...
Questions E-Mailed to the Olympics Info Line in Sydney, Australia
Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
(Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who themselves will need watering if their IQ drops any lower...)
Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
(Depends on how much beer you've consumed...)
Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
(Another intellectual giant...)
It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
(I'm not touching this one...)
Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)
(Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney)
I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
(Sure, it's only 4,000 km, so you'll need to have started about a year and a half ago to get there in time for this October...)
Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
(And accomplish what?)
Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia? (Portugal)
Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
(Why bother? Use your fingers like everyone else...)
Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
(No. Everybody stinks)
Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)
(Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and the national parks...)
Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
(This HAS to be a blonde...)
Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
(Yes. Gay night-clubs)
Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
(Yes. At Christmas)
Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)
(Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious)
Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
(Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here mate!)
Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)
(What's this guy smoking, and where can I get some?)
Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?(Germany)
(Probably another blonde?)
Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
(No rattlesnakes in Australia, sport!)
Which direction is north in Australia? (USA)
(Face north and you should be about right)
Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
(Americans have considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia)
Are there places in Australia where you can make love outdoors? (Italy)
(Yes. Outdoors)
I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
(You should keep quiet about that)

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