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Humor to make the day that much better...
Thoughtful Sarcasms For The Thoughtless
I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

Well, this date was a total waste of makeup.

For you, personal growth is obviously an erection.

I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

This isn't an office -- It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

Of course I am interested in your crybaby whiny-assed opinion.

Allow me to introduce my selves.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name the streets after them.

Do I look like a fucking people person?

See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

With home shopping, pizza delivery and a vibrator, why would I ever want to leave the house?

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Not all men are annoying... Some are in prison.

Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?

It's not the size, it's... Actually, it is the size!

A woman's favorite position is CEO.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Can I trade this job for what's behind bathroom door 1?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Okay, okay, I take it back! Unscrew you!

Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.

Nice perfume... But must you marinate in it?

And which dwarf are you?

How do I set the laser printer to stun?

Obviously, you're meandering to a different drummer.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Chaos, panic and disorder... My work here is done

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